RIP JIF

Audrey and I presented ourselves with a math equation when we first got to Guatemala: 2 people, 6 months, and 4 jars of peanut butter @ 2 pounds 8 ounces each. The question we asked ourselves was, “How long will 10 pounds of peanut butter last us?”

We each made a guess, folded it up, and taped it to the last jar of peanut butter, to be revealed when the final spoonful of creamy JIF was consumed. The date of final consumption turned out to be Saturday, July 18th almost exactly six weeks after we got here to Tzeja. (Which leads to some other equations of pounds of peanut butter consumed each week per person that we’ve agreed not to explore too deeply.)

Audrey’s approach to her guess was a practical ‘we’ll want to ration this out so it lasts’ hence her date of September 28th; a good guess at just over the half way point in our six month adventure here.

Before I reveal my guess I’d like to add several factors that were unknowns to me at the time of my prediction:
1) Unlike most people, I’ve never made a serious guess at how long it would take two individuals to eat, what appeared at first sight, to be an extremely large amount of peanut butter. This was a new experience for me and there was a bit of a learning curve.

2) I also assumed that at some point between the second and third jar we would tire of the taste of peanut butter. We’ve got fresh fruit and some vegetables all around us. Why would be want to continue to eat this sterile tasting snack?

3) But really what threw my guess off was that Audrey started working on the bee project in town and was given a giant container of fresh honey. This honey is not only one of the most delicious things I have ever tasted in my life, (it’s really mind-blowing how sweet and delicious it is; the honey tastes like blueberries mixed with what I imagine a flower tastes like. See video.) but it is a perfect compliment to the salty peanut taste. The three or four spoonfuls of peanut butter dipped in fresh gooey honey before class or basketball practice was the biggest “unknown” that led to my guess being so far off.

Here is exactly what I wrote. I’ve explained away why my guess was skewed. What I fail to explain, to myself or Audrey, is why I would take such an amazingly arrogant approach to my guess. Did I really have to declare “Today’s date is…” or the even more ridiculous line “Suck it!” as if I was a world champion peanut butter consummation estimator up against a rookie and my total victory was guaranteed. All the power, and fame that comes from guessing the correct date was in my hands, I knew it was. But it wasn’t.

While I continue to discern and ponder what it is I would like to do when I return to the States in 4 months, I have given up my dreams of a profession in guessing the termination date of food, or any other position in the psychic field for that matter. After coming to the realization that I will not become a food psychic and as Audrey continues to gloat over her victory, what is truly crushing for me is that I don’t even the solace of a giant spoonful of peanut butter, dipped in honey, to console me. RIP JIF.